Setting goals for yourself is crucial for developing personal growth and achievement. Setting goals...
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Expressing yourself authentically while letting go of that fear of judgement can be a scary, yet liberating experience. The question of "what will people think" has stopped so many people from achieving their goals and reaching their potential. So, why do we care what people think? Well, according to Williamsburg Therapy Group, we want a sense of belonging and acceptance within our social circle. We do it because we want to experience validation and self-worth from others, and when we get that positive feedback, it boosts our self-esteem and reinforces a sense of identity. Fitting in with social norms can be beneficial for building solid relationships, but there comes a certain point when caring what people think becomes unhealthy. For the longest time, I was subconsciously stuck in this reality of caring what people think too much to the point where I was not putting myself first. I realized that I have been putting other people's feelings first, at the expense of my own. It got to the point where I felt like I was being disrespected by my friends because I never told them how their actions affect me, and I didn't want to ruffle any feathers. Don't get me wrong, I still struggle with this sometimes, but I have become more self-aware to reflect on it and act accordingly. Now that I am less concerned with how I am perceived, and more concerned with my own well-being in these relationships, I have been able to hold those tough conversations with friends. |
In today's day, social media has an immense impact on the self-esteem of young minds, and the need for comparison. As a young adult who spends a lot of time on social media, I am exposed to hundreds of creators that only show the best side of themselves on social media. They show themselves traveling, buying a new car, showing off their new outfits, and it becomes way too easy to compare yourself to these unrealistic expectations. It is natural to compare yourself to others, but what most consumers don't understand is that influencers only post their highlight reels. They don't post the days where they lay in bed all day and lack motivation. They don't post the days where they wear sweatpants and no makeup to grab coffee alone. And often times, it is hard to remember these things when you are consuming content that makes it seem like your favourite influencers have a way better life than you do. From the Child Mind Institute, Dr. Emanuele explains that for most teens, their social feed becomes fuel for negative feelings they have about themselves. Kids and young adults read into their friends' and influencers' posts, and identify what they feel they are lacking. So, what can help young adults and teens overcome these barriers of self-comparison and caring what others think?
Remind Yourself of these 4 Things
1. People do not think about you as much as you think they do. They may temporarily think about you, but they do not bring that thought with them wherever they go.
2. Gossip is entertaining. Even somebody that likes you will probably struggle to hold themself back from gossiping about you because it is amusing. If they are given something to talk about, they will, but it doesn't last long.
3. Judgement is comparison. When someone is feeling insecure, the first thing they tend to do is compare themselves so others. They will find any little thing to pick apart about someone else to help boost their self-esteem.
4. People are likely to judge something that is new or different. Unfortunately, most people don't like change, it makes them uncomfortable. So when they see you are doing something new or "out of the social norm" they are confused, and will judge you.
Identify the Emotion you are Feeling
It is important to name the emotion you are feeling in that moment. Say to yourself "I am feeling insecure because this person said ____ about me". This will help you adjust how you are feeling about it in that moment, and it will allow you to take control of your emotions. You are not allowing it to take over your world and you are able to compartmentalize it.
Set Boundaries
Setting boundaries helps communicate to yourself and others that you respect your own time, feelings, and opinions, and that you expect others to do the same. They help define acceptable behaviours and expectations in your relationships and prevent others from crossing the line or violating your trust. It is important to promote effective communication across all relationships and reciprocate that respect with others.
Surround yourself with the Right People
The people you surround yourself have a big influence on your thoughts and behaviours. If you are constantly surrounding yourself with people who judge others for their life decisions, you will start to believe that trying new things is "embarrassing" which, in turn, holds you back from reaching your goals. It is important to surround yourself with people who are supportive of you, good communicators, honest and authentic, and share the same interests and values.
Identify who you Want to be
Identify the type of person you want to be, the values you believe in, and the people you want to surround yourself with. Don't let the fear of judgement prevent you from becoming the person you want to be. For example, you want to be a content creator, but you fear your friends will judge you. Remind yourself that this feeling won't last, and ask yourself if you can live with the discomfort of your decision in the long-term. Defining who you want to be and aligning it with your values empowers you to navigate the fear of judgement confidently.
Ultimately, the people you surround yourself with and the boundaries you set for your relationships must be consistent. These factors should only enhance your life and contribute to your personal growth and happiness along the way. While caring what others think can be a natural reaction for humans, it is important to find a balance between external validation and internal validation. Taking the time to dig deep into identifying the emotions you are feeling and why you are feeling that way are important in your journey of becoming carefree. Additionally, understanding the underlying reasons behind judgement and comparison will help you navigate social dynamics more effectively and help you to make choices that align with your true values and interests. Remember, expressing yourself authentically is a journey that takes time and practice. It's okay to start small and gradually build your confidence. Celebrate your progress and be patient with yourself along the way.
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